The
past few months have been a roller-coaster. I was ready to accept
that my summer season most likely wasn't going to happen. After
coming back from Kenya and picking up a 'non-specific virus' (no idea
what that means either, trust me i've tried googling it too) in my
blood – I found it took me months to fully recover. Perhaps I was
let down by my own over eagerness to get back training as soon as I
could. I found that I was able to train for a week or so and then be
hit by yet another 'cold' type illness. In total, from my first
training spell in Kenya back in October – I was ill a total of
seven times! I was slowly starting to loose the plot but the
Commonwealth Games have always been in the front on my mind and
engraved into my brain of how high importance it was for me to be
there on that start line. I couldn't wait to race in Scotland again
in front of a home crowd and knowing all my family would be in that
crowd – would make it that much more special. My dad still lives in
Carnoustie with my 3 brothers and sister but my mum has now relocated
to Qatar – so it has been a tough few years for my family. I was
excited by the fact they would all be in the stadium watching me run
for the first time. My siblings have never actually watched me
compete before although they were not remotely arsed about me but
rather the fact that Mo Farah and Usain Bolt were going to be there!
After my 10th place in the World Championships last year,
along with the fastest time i've ever ran – I was so happy and
excited by my performance – yet when I looked around the Russian
stadium, it hit me that no one was there to watch me. My family had
watched it all on TV and so my phone was going wild – but it wasn't
the same as actually having them in the stadium. I think that's what
excites me the most by Glasgow. Regardless of my performance, my
family know how difficult the last few months have been for me and
will be extremely proud to watch me compete in my Scottish vest on
home soil.
 |
| Where it all began, 2011. |
I
started this blog almost 3 years ago after breaking my foot in a
Diamond League back in 2011. I wanted to remember all the ups and
downs, almost like a personal diary. I'm perhaps not the most open of
people so it was initially a little strange writing down my thoughts
and so I kept the blog private. But I decided to keep it open. Every
athlete has their own story. Every athlete has their own problems of
which they try to over come and every athlete tries their hardest to
create it into a success story. I always thought my mum never truly
realised how amazing her achievements were. She was a WORLD CHAMPION
– how many people can really say that? It's a very small
percentage. She never really acknowledged her own achievements and
almost hid them away from me when I was growing up. I'm even slightly
guilty of this myself – although I am clearly nowhere near the
standard of my mother - my Olympic Games race kit was sitting
scrunched up in the bottom of my sock drawer with my race number
crumpled at the bottom of a bag alongside the paper part of my
driving license. I wasn't in any way ashamed of my performance but I
just wanted more. This past year has really made me put things a
little into perspective. Even if I don't ever improve from the level
of sport that I am currently at – I should still be extremely proud
of the fact that I overcame surgery and less than 6 months later
qualified for my first ever major championships – the London 2012
olympics. I should appreciate that a little more by the fact that
there are hundreds of athletes who tried and failed to make the team
and would of taken my spot or traded places with me in a heartbeat.
I've now framed my kit and number – it may not be an olympic medal
but its still an achievement I should be proud of to have at the age
of 21.
 |
| London 2012 |
Every
athlete has their fair share of bad luck but it is how they come back
from it and stay positive throughout – which is actually a very
difficult thing to do. I'm not the only athlete who has had problems
this winter, take Lynsey Sharp for example – another Scottish
athlete who had been injured for almost the entire winter season, yet
has come back stronger than ever and in a position to be fighting for
Gold in Glasgow this summer. Every athlete have their own problems
but move on from them in order to become more successful than before.
Thats the goal. Unfortunately for me, time has possibly run out for
this summer but I still have my eyes firmly set on getting myself
into the best shape I can.
 |
| Extended family |
I
moved down to Loughborough after picking up a stress fracture in my
shin during last summer. It made sense to base myself next to UK
Athletics in order to get daily physiotherapy treatment and to see
the doctor when I needed to with no delay. It also allowed me to
cross train like an absolute trojan. It took over my entire life.
Twice a day every day – into an obsession. To me, nothing else
mattered. Looking back now it wasn't a particularly healthy way to be
thinking but it did pay off dividends in the end with my 10th
place at the World Champs and a brand new PB over 1500, 3000m as well
as my event the 3000m Steeplechase. It was obviously worth while but
it wasn't a sustainable way to live. I lost contact with all my
friends, I very rarely spoke to my family as all my efforts were
going into the sport. It was a strange situation to be in. I started
to operate like some sort of robot on auto flight. Groundhog day. I
also didn't know many people in Loughborough – it was all brand new
to me but I made no effort to do anything other than visit the cross
trainer or swimming pool. I started to dwell on the past and compare
it to the dullness that I was currently living in. Throughout my
university years, we were completely spoiled. I had a fantastic
training group of whom we all lived together and whom I felt were
more like my family than friends. My fondest memories and funniest
stories were with these people but it was strange knowing that it
would never be like that again – we are all growing up now and had
our own lives to get on with! We couldn't all keep living together
until we were 80 with a house full of cats, living off cereal and
toast and videoing ourselves re-enacting Take That and 50 Cent
videos....(that last one may or may not have happened, unfortunately someone does
still have that video).
 |
| Back in Dundee over Xmas for two days! :( |
But
I felt like the normal social side of my life – my friends and my
family - were completely missing. I would see pictures of my siblings
on Facebook and realise that I didn't really know them anymore. My
brother is now 15, but I couldn't tell you what he is like as a
person, what music he listens to, what sport he does or what exams he
has at school. It was difficult to accept that everyone was living
their life almost without me – because at one point we were all so
close and together. I had no other outlet other than my running,
which had started to take a little bit of a nose dive after taking
the month off at the end of the season in order to recover. But that is the life of being an athlete - sport consumes it. Although, these are just minor difficulties - I can say Athletics is my job... - how many people would love to be in that position? I certainly wouldn't change it for the world - but I do moan about it every so often... :)
 |
| Siblingssssss |
Going
out to Kenya in October got me back into some serious training after taking my end of season rest. Kenya is an amazing
place to not only train but also just to chill out. There are no
stresses at all. Internet is very limited which means you can almost
disappear for the month and it's acceptable because people know you
cant reply to their emails! Unfortunately, after a good training
spell, I picked up a cold. Nothing major... but I then picked up
another – less than two weeks later over my birthday– and then
another over the Christmas period! I returned to Kenya and had my
strongest ever 5 weeks of training which gave me a lot of confidence
going into the indoor season and looking forward to the 2014 summer
season – but yet again I was struck down with illness. This time
though it was a little different. I was constantly fatigued and
tired. I struggled to get out of bed most mornings and was sleeping
continuously. I would get a few below average training sessions in
before then having cold like symptoms again for the following week.
It was the most frustrating thing ever. At least with an injury –
its disappointing – but you know exactly how many weeks to take off
or you can continue to train through other forms – but with illness
you are completely blinded. I kept trying and trying to get back but
my sessions were on a downward spiral. I started to feel lactic as
soon as I started the rep – it was a really weird sensation – my
legs just weren’t my normal legs – and I wanted my old ones back!
After
about a million blood tests – to which the doctor thought I was
genuinely going insane – it came back that at some point I had
picked up a virus. It wasn't much help now – but the good news was
that is was finally gone. My bloods came back all clear and all my
values were within the normal range – more specifically my white
bloods cells (those little rascals), as for months they had been
lagging.
 |
| Doha |
I
decided to head over to Doha to visit my mum (and coach) as she has
relocated out there to begin her new life with her husband. It was
definitely a big culture shock. The temperatures were through the
roof which meant I had to train very early morning and very late
evening – but in a way – I actually really enjoyed the heat. The
only thing I didn’t enjoy was the fact I couldn’t wear my normal
training kit to go for a steady run. At 100 degrees Fahrenheit the
last thing I want to be wearing is a t-shirt and long leggings – I
would of happily ran in a bikini! - but the culture is massively
different to the UK, religion is taken very seriously and it is quite
refreshing to see. I wrote more about my experience in Doha in the
blog below but I wanted to add in quite a significant thing that
happened to me when I was out there – which I perhaps didn’t want
to disclose at the time. I hate listening to athletes or people in
general make excuses about their own performances – so I wanted to
write this blog irrespective of my performances plus my mum has a big
mouth (joking.) and so it was eventually going to come out at some
stage and I would rather it be in my own words than a journalist's
mis-print.
Since I can remember, I have always had heart palpitations. I used to sit on the coach to junior league races when I was 12 clasping at my chest with several of the older kids laughing at me for 'holding my boob' but they were very infrequent and happened completely randomly. It never particularly worried me as after about 5/6seconds they were gone as quick as they had come on. It also never affected me running and so my parents were never majorly concerned. However, that was to change. After struggling with the move to Loughborough, never seeing my family and then my running going massively down the pan – I wasn't particularly happy as you can imagine. Some days I was walking around in a blur almost – it was a really weird way to be feeling but I just had no energy – perhaps from the illness. I just wanted to feel like a normal human being again instead of being constantly ill! I wanted to get away from Loughborough and running for a while and so 'running away' to Doha sounded like a good idea. I was very stressed with the situation and being in Qatar sounded like the ideal decision.
One thing I have learned is you can never run away from your problems. I may be an athlete but i'm not that fast. Things always catch up with you. I struggled to get to sleep one evening with my mind going into over-drive. I eventually got to sleep at around 3am but was abruptly awoken by my chest thumping. Initially, I thought it was just my normal palpitation but unfortunately this one was different. It didn’t stop. I tried to get up from my bed and almost collapsed. My heart felt like it was going 100 miles an hour. I lay down on the ground with a glass of water and was staying pretty calm about things. Thankfully, my mum woke up not long after. She thought it was just my normal palpitation and perhaps we could go on the cross trainer to 'kick start it' – she does crack me up. Her thinking is unlike anyone else I have ever met which definitely rubs off onto me - a 'just get on with it' mentality. Luckily enough, I decided to contact the UKA doctor just to gather his thoughts and within seconds of sending it, he immediately called me. I then realised this perhaps was a little bit more serious than I had initially anticipated.
I was taken straight into the emergency hospital in Doha and given a heart scan and ECG which came back reading that in my lying resting state my heart rate was fluctuating between 180 down to 130, which for me would be like running a hard training session. Anytime I moved or attempted to stand up it went even higher and my blood pressure took a massive drop. My heart had gone into an irregular beat called Atrial Fibrillation. It is the same condition that Scottish olympic swimmer Michael Jamieson had. Supposedly very unique for such a young female to go into.
Since I can remember, I have always had heart palpitations. I used to sit on the coach to junior league races when I was 12 clasping at my chest with several of the older kids laughing at me for 'holding my boob' but they were very infrequent and happened completely randomly. It never particularly worried me as after about 5/6seconds they were gone as quick as they had come on. It also never affected me running and so my parents were never majorly concerned. However, that was to change. After struggling with the move to Loughborough, never seeing my family and then my running going massively down the pan – I wasn't particularly happy as you can imagine. Some days I was walking around in a blur almost – it was a really weird way to be feeling but I just had no energy – perhaps from the illness. I just wanted to feel like a normal human being again instead of being constantly ill! I wanted to get away from Loughborough and running for a while and so 'running away' to Doha sounded like a good idea. I was very stressed with the situation and being in Qatar sounded like the ideal decision.
One thing I have learned is you can never run away from your problems. I may be an athlete but i'm not that fast. Things always catch up with you. I struggled to get to sleep one evening with my mind going into over-drive. I eventually got to sleep at around 3am but was abruptly awoken by my chest thumping. Initially, I thought it was just my normal palpitation but unfortunately this one was different. It didn’t stop. I tried to get up from my bed and almost collapsed. My heart felt like it was going 100 miles an hour. I lay down on the ground with a glass of water and was staying pretty calm about things. Thankfully, my mum woke up not long after. She thought it was just my normal palpitation and perhaps we could go on the cross trainer to 'kick start it' – she does crack me up. Her thinking is unlike anyone else I have ever met which definitely rubs off onto me - a 'just get on with it' mentality. Luckily enough, I decided to contact the UKA doctor just to gather his thoughts and within seconds of sending it, he immediately called me. I then realised this perhaps was a little bit more serious than I had initially anticipated.
I was taken straight into the emergency hospital in Doha and given a heart scan and ECG which came back reading that in my lying resting state my heart rate was fluctuating between 180 down to 130, which for me would be like running a hard training session. Anytime I moved or attempted to stand up it went even higher and my blood pressure took a massive drop. My heart had gone into an irregular beat called Atrial Fibrillation. It is the same condition that Scottish olympic swimmer Michael Jamieson had. Supposedly very unique for such a young female to go into.
A
few facts from the NHS website -
'Atrial
fibrillation is a heart condition that causes an irregular and
often abnormally fast heart rate.
In
atrial fibrillation, the upper chambers of the heart, called
the atria, contract randomly and sometimes so fast that the
heart muscle cannot relax properly between contractions. This
reduces the heart's efficiency and performance.'
Atrial
fibrillation occurs when abnormal electrical impulses suddenly start
firing in the atria. These impulses override the heart's natural
pacemaker, which can no longer control the rhythm of the heart. This
causes you to have a highly irregular pulse rate.
The
cause is not fully understood, but it tends to occur in certain
groups of people and may be triggered by certain situations, such as
drinking excessive amounts of alcohol or smoking'....
Well.. you can be rest assured that I definitely wasn't drinking excessive amounts of alcohol or smoking. I was laid up, quite happily asleep in bed!
The
doctor said he was going to have to stop my heart and re-start it
again, initially I was pretty scared but he reassured me it was a
simple procedure with little risk. However, it then came to his
attention that the resuscitation room (which is needed for all
emergency procedures) was full and so I would have to be moved to
another hospital. He asked if I had taken out medical insurance to
which I burst out into tears. I only booked my flight the evening
before I left and so medical insurance wasn’t on my radar at all.
It never even crossed my mind. He told me I would need to stay in
over night to be monitored and the whole thing could rack up into the
thousands. His advice – get the next plane home – which is
exactly what I did. He gave me a medication, a type of beta-blocker,
in order to slow the heart down and aspirin to avoid any blood clots.
It was a really strange sensation as my heart got slower and slower
to the point where I actually couldn’t feel it beat with my own
hand or couldn’t feel my pulse anywhere! Thankfully though, it
slowed down so much that it then went back into its regular beat
whilst I was sitting on the plane home.
The
next day I went straight to London to see a cardio specialist
Professor Sharma. After more tests – he couldn’t explain why the
heart had gone into that condition for just under 2 days. There
really was no rhyme or reason – we just had to hope that it didn’t
ever happen again. Perhaps, it was due to my heart being under stress
from constant illness – perhaps the virus played a small part –
they really cant be sure. I now have some tablets in which I carry
with me at all times in case it ever happens again. The only way to
completely irradiate the palpitations would be to undergo surgery to
insert a special valve into the heart – the other option would be
to take daily medication for the rest of my life which slows the
heart down, but these effectively would slow me down in general life
and so my athletics wouldn't be possible.
 |
| Pre Diamond League |
It
made sense to just monitor things and react as they happen. Every
morning, I use a heart rate variability monitor which helps to
register how tired the heart is. I also use heart rate monitors on
every single run I do – again in order to monitor how tired I am
and adapt in order to avoid something similar happening again. The
whole ordeal was a little bit scary but it perhaps reinforced to me
that I need to have other aspects to my life. In the hospital, lying
next to people in the emergency room all I could think about was the
fact I was missing a training session that evening (geeky). My mum
couldn't believe it, the fact that it was my only concern when she
thought I was having a heart attack! Athletics is hugely important to
me and it still is – but i'm enjoying it again. I'm enjoying being
more chilled about everything and going back to the way I used to be
about it. Athletics is my job but more importantly it's my hobby and
I need to remember that and not let things get too intense.
 |
| Black Bear Lodge, Utah |
 |
| So.... It wasn't just all training!! |
 |
| Utah University |
 |
| BYU University |
 |
| Park City HS track |
 |
| Shoe tree Park |
 |
| BYU |
My
training spell in Park City, Utah definitely helped me enjoy running
again. The routes were so scenic and we had a great group of athletes
out there. After being ill for so long – it was nice to actually
feel like a normal person again. I was more upbeat and alert during
the day and made sure I was keeping myself busy. I knew my first
steeplechase in Eugene at the Pre Classic Diamond League was going to
be a horrible one. I had only been properly training for a few weeks
and always feel very sluggish on the first two days down from
altitude. Perhaps I shouldn’t of ran, but I was so excited to not
be injured or ill for the first time in months! Right from the gun, I
was dead. It felt like the starter had accidentally shot me. After
the first lap and every proceeding lap – I considered dropping out
– but I have never even dropped out of a session before, never mind
a race! I came crawling home in the slowest time i've ever ran –
10.15. It's safe to say, I wasn’t a happy bunny to be around for
the next week but it made me determined to turn things around knowing
the Commonwealths were on the horizon. I then threw myself into a
3000m flat at the Stretford BMC. I joined the boys race and felt very
flat. After taking my spikes off, I then received a text from my mum,
saying I was to do the next 1500m race there was! She felt like I
needed to get into that race zone but also felt that I hadn’t ran
fast enough to justify missing a training session and so made me do
the double! Weirdly enough, I actually felt OK but again, very one
paced. I was determined in my next race to break 9 minutes but
unfortunately that never happened either. The 3000m in Bilbao was a
huge improvement in the way I was feeling. I felt good warming up and
knew I could break 9minutes but the race was a strange one. My splits
ended up being 2.58-3.07-2.57 which is a horrible way to run. My last
200m felt like I was running a PB – if someone had told me to try
and run another metre – I honestly couldn’t of unless I had
rolled around on my belly. But again, I was so disappointed with my
time!
 |
| Jeremy Ranch, Utah |
 |
| Prefontaine Classic |
 |
| Nike |
My
next steeplechase wasn't much better either. In Gothenburg, after the
first water jump, my spikes completely ripped. I couldn't believe it.
My foot was hanging out the side like those women with big feet who
try to ram their toes into sandals or stilettos. Then the next water
jump....RIP... the other bloody shoe! I was ready to drown myself in
the water jump. To be fair, my spikes were wet from my previous
steeple and because I had been travelling from place to place they
never got time to dry out – I also had been wearing them for a
long, long time and so perhaps they were ready for the bin anyways.
Nike were very generous to sort me out with brand new pairs that
could probably last me the next few years! Lesson learned. After
running the 3000m steeplechase wearing something resembling jesus
sandals or flip-flops, my coach then decided that because I hadn’t
ran fast enough – to go indoors and do 16x400m on the indoor track
with 45 second recovery. All the other athletes were watching me as
if I was a nutcase. I had looked awful racing and came close to last
and now the crazy woman is doing a session 4mile session indoors in
her trainers! Anyways, as they say – its all a big learning curve
aye?
 |
| British Champs 2014 |
Things
were starting to look brighter for me since those last few horror
show races and I was feeling much more positive about the British
Championships after running a some close to my best PB sessions. My
coach always repeats sessions and so in my training diaries (yes –
I am a geek), I can always look back and compare. Maybe not the best
idea when you are running like a donkey but when things are going a
little better its always a nice confidence boost. I don't really know
who has a voodoo shaped doll of me, but yet again, bad luck struck me
like lighting for about the 500th time this year. I ended
up with food poisoning – TWO DAYS before the champs. In all
honestly, it was completely by my own accord. With me travelling all
the time, food is very limited in my house until I can be bothered to
get my bum in gear and get along to Tesco (there are other shops
available..). I usually try the tactic of 'sharing' (stealing) my
housemate Muhktar Mohammed's food until I can be bothered to get my
own. I had left some yoghurts out of the fridge for a few
days.....well... 12 days to be exact. My other house mate – Michael
Rimmer - was pretty adamant that the yoghurt would make me ill. Being
my naturally Scottish stubborn self, I wanted to prove the boys
wrong. I took a SINGLE teaspoon of it, even though it did look
curdled - but weirdly enough it actually tasted alright with some
sort of mango streak running through it. An hour later though, I was
like the exorcist. Projectile vomiting all sorts of food and liquid.
I couldn’t even drink water! The boys could hear me retching in the
bathroom all throughout the night whilst shouting out every so
often.. ' yeah i'm ok'. Fact is – I was not ok. I thought it was
maybe the end of the world. After panic calling the doctor at
midnight he said he could possibly give me a tablet in order to try
stop the sickness and allow me to eat something as starving myself
for a few days before trying to race the British Champs definitely
wasn’t a good plan! Luckily enough the night before, I eventually
managed to keep some substantial food down. Breakfast the following
morning went down rather easily too – pastries galore – I was
perhaps trying to do some calorie catching up.
 |
| Birmingham, 2014 |
Perhaps
this latest bout of illness – self inflicted or not – helped calm
me down a little. I really had no expectations going into the race as
I had no idea how I would feel. I had no interest in the barriers –
I just wanted to stay as close to the leader as possible and then run
as fast as I could between the barriers over the last 400m. Which is
what I managed to do. I couldn’t believe the time when I saw it –
9.50. Almost 13 seconds faster than the previous week and 25 seconds
faster than Eugene – yet I felt so easy. The clock had been wrong
for a few of the events I had watched earlier that day and so I was
certain it was wrong – ultimately though – I didn’t care as I
had successfully defended my british title for the third year
running! Yay! As I walked out onto the track the mens 800m were
battling it out over the last 160m. Both Michael and Muhktar have
been a huge support to me over the last few months and have helped me
out massively with timing sessions etc – so it really did help to
watch them come in 1st and 2nd after all the
difficulties they have run into too before the trials. I didn't want
to be the odd one out, driving home in the car depressed when the two
boys had ran out of their skin – I also wanted to do well.
 |
| Relieffffff. |
Crossing
the line – I didn't know wether to start laughing or crying. The
latter was closer to happening but I was just so relieved to have
won. I would have loved for my family to have been there and
unfortunately there wasn’t a live stream as the BBC were being
cheeky little monkeys not allowing anyone else the TV rights, but not
showing any of the events on saturday live! I am now viewing this as
the start of my season – everything else is in the past and I am
dong my best to keep looking forward and keep improving. Next stop is
Glasgow this weekend, of which my main aim is to secure the
qualifying time of 9.43 for the European Championships. The race is
stacked again but there are much more europeans in the field –
which is what I need. A small group to drag me around. I know I am
capable of running that qualifying time – how much under it – I
am not so sure... I am definitely not in the same shape as last year
and perhaps my expectations of myself for the Commonwealths are a
little lower than they would have been had you asked me last year –
but I'm doing everything within my ability to make sure I get as
close as possible. If I can keep making these improvements in each
race and in each session, i'm confident that by the time the Commies
come around – i'll be around my personal best. Is that good enough
for a medal? Who knows. Personally, I believe 1st and 2nd
is out with my range with my current form but those minor medals are
definitely in sight, for several athletes. If I came last and ran
under 9.38 – I would be the proudest person in that stadium. I'm
sure people will view it as a failure, if any of the scots don't
medal but in the distance events - and in particular the
steeplechase – it is of Olympic standard. In other events, the
Commonwealth is a third tier competition after Olympics and Worlds
but for some of the distance events and in particular the
steeplechase – it is world class. Fingers crossed some of the
public – perhaps not regular athletic goers – bear that in mind.
 |
| First time in Paris. |
6
pages of ramblings. If you've made it this far – i'm impressed or
maybe slightly disturbed with the amount of spare time you have. This
will definitely be my last blog before heading into the Holding Camp
for Team Scotland on the 20th July. I will go into a
little bit of a lock down similar to the Olympics. I think it's
important to have that time to focus and distance yourself from the
social media aspect of the sport. My mum is coming over to join me in
the camp and so I am looking forward to having her eyes back on me
during sessions and picking up some much needed advice going into a
Home Commonwealth Games. Wish me luck. I could use some :)
 |
| One of the most amazing tracks I've had the pleasure of going to! |
 |
| Broughty Castle in Scotland being lit up with projections of me running for Scotrail's 2014 Sponsorship of the Games. |
